How best to handle friends who earn more than you?

[sparkleandshine]

I seem to be running into a few situations recently where friends earning more than us - in some cases a lot more - is becoming an issue and I was just wondering what other people's thoughts are on the subject.

Scenario 1 - what should have been a pleasant day out with a friend and my daughter turned awkward when I said I couldn't afford to go anywhere for lunch and said could we just buy a sandwich from the supermarket instead

Scenario 2 - weddings - I have two coming up which are both wedding of the year type weddings - I've said we will go but no ideahow we will be able to afford the travel and aaccommodation

Scenario 3 - a hen weekend away for which the budget per person is £350 - again, no idea how I am supposed to afford any of it

Scenario 4 - another friend holidaying in the peak district and wants me to visit them for the day again I've said yes but no idea how I am supposed to afford the train fare.

Its all a bit of a problem. Its so rubbish just earning enough to pay bills, rent and food with no money left over for anything else

 

[Pheebs]

I don't have much experience with this, but I'd probably just be honest.

I don't want to sound negative, but I think the fact that you're telling people you'll go to these things when you already know you can't afford to is probably making things worse. You've then added the fact that you're probably letting people down because they think you're going.

 

[Jon]

Yeah I agree with pheebs


2,3 and 4. No one is holding a gun to your head and making you go to these things


If you can't afford it you don't have it...

 

[busybusy]

I don't want to also sound negative but 99% of people have friends than earn more.

It is called life.

No "normal" person would taken offence if you could not afford to join in with their plans.

 

[Twiggy]

If they are really friends, don't they know your situation?

I don't have any trouble with this sort of thing as we are a bit anti-social and wouldn't want to go anyway! lol

I have only one good friend, and she is a single mum and on disability, ... so don't really mix in circles where people are spending.

 

[busybusy]

The two weddings? Do you need to stay over? If you do then can you not stop at a Travelodge or something similar.

The friend in the peak district, why can't they come to you?

 

[sparkleandshine]

I guess I am just an eternal optimist and as these are events which are coming up in the future I am hoping our situation will have changed by then and we will be able to go to them, the hen do is in September and one of the weddings is in October, the other wedding I think is meant to be happening around the same time, although they keep having problems with venues, dates etc so that one is a bit more vague. My daughter is also supposed to be a bridesmaid at that one though. So I will have to find a way to get her there somehow! It is a worry though as what if things haven't changed for us by then. These are all good friends and not people I don't want to spend time with or not go to their weddings and so on. I get the whole 'just say no' thing but it just gets boring having to say no all the time. It must get boring for friends having to hear it all the time too.

Applying for jobs as we speak!!!!

 

[busybusy]

No friend would want you stressing like this.
But if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

 

[busybusy]

Good luck with the job hunting BTW

 

[Jon]

I would say focus less on the fact they have or earn more money than you


Instead focus on the fact that you just can't afford to do xyz

 

[sparkleandshine]

not sure if we could even afford a Travelodge the way things are at the moment busybusy! Then there is the presents, you can't go to these sorts of weddings and not buy a decent present.

she doesn't want to have to travel long distances with a baby and a toddler which is fair enough I suppose. as you all said if I can't afford the train fare and they don't want to travel to meet me, then I just can't see them and that's that I suppose.

 

[Jon]

Just out of interest how much money are you sinking into this sparkle and shine venture of yours vs how much you are getting out?

 

[busybusy]

Presents, well what about a promise to mow the lawn for a year?
And anyway yeah you can go with out a present if you can't afford one. It is a wedding not a gift receiving event.

 

[sparkleandshine]

its not about who earns more or who earns less it's about not being able to do things you should be able to do like go to friends weddings and go on day trips

who earns what is all swings and roundabouts in the past there have been times I have earned more than them, right now I'm earning less, they're earning more, that could all change again anytime, it's just the nature of things

 

[sparkleandshine]

nothing and nothing right now Jon, as others have also said about their online earnings, I have had the same, a flurry of interest in January and I made a few sales then, but February and March there's not been a lot happening. I think it's good to have a sideline but what I really need is a job...I mean another job...I've already got a job...I get confused myself sometimes with it all...I would love to get to a point where I have just one job and maybe one business which generates extra income and that's it. I think that's enough!

 

[sparkleandshine]

I guess you could just take a small present and you don't have to buy new clothes. It's the travel and accommodation costs that's the worry.

 

[Chammy]

not sure if we could even afford a Travelodge the way things are at the moment busybusy! Then there is the presents, you can't go to these sorts of weddings and not buy a decent present.

she doesn't want to have to travel long distances with a baby and a toddler which is fair enough I suppose. as you all said if I can't afford the train fare and they don't want to travel to meet me, then I just can't see them and that's that I suppose.

I would of preferred a present-less friend who was actually there rather than no friend because they couldn't afford to get me one.

 

[sparkleandshine]

what about the friend who I thought was off with me because I couldn't afford to eat out? How would you have handled that one?

 

[Twiggy]

I don't get that, ... you can get a lunch in a cafe or pub for a fiver, a friend who is ok for money would have just treated you, or if not just not been bothered. Maybe you are over thinking it, or maybe they weren't being very friend-like.

 

[sparkleandshine]

I suggested wetherspoons but she said no way was she going in wetherspoons!!! she hasn't always been but in recent years she has become a very high earner due to a job in medical sales, and she is now very much living the champagne lifestyle